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Either way, the date’s over and you’re stuck in recovery mode instead of leading towards a night of passion and several hours of squishy noises back at your place.

You want to provide a takeaway in order to pull the tension back as well as keep them off balance.

This falls nicely into the push-pull dynamic: the fight building tension then the release of the compliment and changing the subject – in this case, effected by a cut to a new scene.

In practice, you want to cut the conversational thread and move on to another topic – one unrelated to what you were just discussing and one that doesn’t immediately lead to another verbal fencing match.

You need to space things out, to give the tension room to grow.

Going from banter to banter to banter can be exhausting emotionally; you end up feeling as though you’re constantly having to be on guard rather than letting yourself relax and enjoy each other’s company.

One popular trick I’ve learned – and used to great success – from player friends of mine is what’s known as the “almost-kiss”.

Direct eye-contact can be intimidating, even uncomfortable if you hold it for too long… As a general rule, I recommend not holding someone’s eyes for longer than a few seconds to avoid creeping them out.

However, once you’ve been more calibrated for how long you can hold someone’s gaze without intimidating them, you can actually use that fear response to your advantage.

You see, our brains are ultimately controlled by our body’s reactions; we react to the stimuli and backfill the reasons for it .

Staring into your date’s eyes for a fraction longer than you would normally can cause their heart to race and feel a little light-headed.




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